gsurosey

There are commercials on TV now about law suits for injuries from these (and internet searches turn up links, too). Was a podiatrist (or any doctor) consulted when these were made? I wonder how much of this the creators foresaw?

How many people here saw this coming? I know a lot of runners said stay away from these.

This has been a crazy f'ed up week. It's not raining, it's not pouring, it's monsooning (or typhooning, or whatever word I'm grasping for). I'm really starting to loath my life again.

I hate fear because it paralyzes me and I can't do anything. I KNOW I have to get a job before I end up homeless, but I'm so afraid that I'm not ready to work full-time because I'll have another breakdown. Eventually, I'm going to work myself up to the point where that prophecy fulfills itself. My boyfriend's situation is actually worse, therefore I have no room to complain. His unemployment is running out within the next couple of months, so if he can't get funding for the start-up he's attempting (it doesn't look good), he's going to have to abandon his dream and go find a job. It's not that he doesn't want to work; it's that he doesn't want to give up his dream to go work for someone else and hate getting out of bed everyday again. He had to borrow money from a couple people this week so he could pay his April rent (and he still owes part of March's).

Neither of us has any savings; therefore, no money to pay for security deposit and first months rent anywhere (even in the cheap parts of the city where I could probably get by on my SSD, but I'd never leave my apartment because I'd likely get shot). I can't live with either of my parents (no room at my moms, my step-mom wouldn't have me at my dads, and they all live in the country; I have to stay in Rochester because I need the public transportation). Even if the medical review board at the DMV reinstated my license, I can't afford to renew it much less acquire, maintain, and insure a vehicle.

This all comes down to the fact that I'm too weak and afraid to go get a full-time job. There is very little out there that wouldn't stress out my screwed-up head. Being an EMT with Brighton would've worked out. They are one of the few companies that doesn't mandate that everyone drives and I have 6 years experience. Even when I was super symptomatic and suicidal years ago, for some reason, I was an effective EMT and I could put my crap aside while doing it. Heck, I'd even say I was kinda good at it. But, Brighton wouldn't even give me an interview and there aren't very many places I can get to on the bus that I'd qualify for. Yes I would have to recertify as an EMT, but that would be relatively easy (providing I could get to where the classes were being held, which is actually a problem since I think they're at the Public SAfety Training Center, which, you guessed it, isn't on a busline.

Maybe they should've let me die in the hospital after my premature birth. Doesn't really look like they did a great thing saving my worthless self.

Now I have to figure out how to keep composed during my clarinet lesson tomorrow. Last thing I need is to freak out at Eastman. Oy.

Why is that every time I think things have made a turn for the better, reality kicks me in the teeth? Damnation!

Long story short, scary things are going on:

~ Boyfriend's business is almost making no money, so he can't pay his bills. He hasn't paid his March rent yet and doesn't know when he will be able to. He's barely getting by on unemployment. I can only do so much to help feed him. I feel helpless, useless, and worthless because I can't do anything other than watch him drown.

~ Because my mental health recovery is going relatively well, I barely qualify to stay living where I am. If they kick me out before I get a job, I'm screwed (my SSD isn't enough to live on unless I get an apartment in an area of the city where I'll be too scared to go home). I'm looking into another program through the same agency that has a rent subsidy, but there are people that have been in my current program for a whole lot more years than me that they're trying to get into that program first. Seems I need to relapse in order to not be homeless. Not that it's the route I want to go, but I'm so stressed out, who knows?

~ I want to work; I really, really do. Every time I think a lot about going back to work, I have nightmares about it (as in being back in the workforce and ending up in a pile of tears and probably breaking down again, though I wake up before the impending breakdown gets a chance to happen). I haven't had a real job since mid-2007 when I had my breakdown (insert self-hating remark here).

~ Apparently I can't forbear my student loans anymore. I thought maybe I could (wasn't sure since I lost track of how much time I had used up), but I applied for another year and got a month. My loans are technically in repayment now and I wouldn't have known if I didn't check my online profile on my consolidator's web site yesterday. Thanks for telling me AES! Not that I could magically repay you anything right now anyway since my housing program gets 85% of my monthly income. I'm applying for a deferral (I think I still have 2 years that I can do that). My student loan consolidator doesn't give a crap that I've been on SSD since 2008. Their standard of disability (and thus inability to work and pay back loans) is stricter than the government's standards of awarding me disability. Their standard of disability discharge is the inability to ever work a single hour for the rest of my life; I can't prove that, so no go on loan discharge.

All of that crap outweighs the fact that my bankruptcy became officially discharged last week. Oh, how I wish student loans were included in that! Apparently my non-student loan debt was smaller than I thought it was (one account showed up twice because it was sold a million times, but the amounts were slightly different so at first I didn't make the connection they they were one and the same). So, the discharged amount was somewhere in the neighborhood of $25,000. Too bad that my student loan debt is now $54,000+.

Why did I even go to college? I have 2 degrees and all they're doing is sitting on my shelf in frames looking pretty. I can count on one hand the number of people from college that still take to me (pretty sad since I went to 2 colleges).

3.1415926535

Only 10; I'm not a very good Pi geek :(

My backpack; it has everything I need.

The only exception is if I'm carrying my clarinets on my back (either to Eastman or some rehearsal somewhere). I've found that if I leave it home, I need something in there. So, if I can carry it, I take it.

Question mostly for asthmatics or anyone with breathing issues:

The winter has been very mild here both in terms of temperature and snowfall. With the snow we had today, we may finally be over 2' for the year (should have about 3x that much by now for the season). A lot of days have had high temps higher than normal. I have hard time breathing outdoors during the winter anyway (hence no running outdoors in winter even if I could right now), but I've noticed it's been worse this year.

My theory is that since we've had so many mild days, the days that get as cold as they should for this time of year seem relatively colder and thus more of a system shocker. A 20 min walk that usually doesn't bother me has my heart racing and me actually having to use my inhaler. Even when I can't run, a moderately paced walk won't do that to me.

Anyone else having a rougher breathing winter than usual, while running or otherwise? Does my theory make sense? Any other theories?

Attention music and science geeks...

http://musicianbrain.com/pitchtest/

This is an aural test designed to find tone-deaf people. You get a set of pitches and have to click on whether the 2nd pitch is higher or lower. It starts easy and gets harder. After awhile, it starts to all sound the same. Here is my best score (I took it several times with results all over the place; my worst % was in the upper 70s with differences of more than 2 Hz):

At 500 Hz you can reliably hear pitch differences of 1.5 Hz, which means you did better than approximately 93.2% of people who took our test!

Try it and post your results!

As of today, I am the proud owner of a legit Internet connection. I had to revamp my budget (and probably eliminated necessary stuff, but oh well). Besides, since I just had my bankruptcy hearing last week, I feel the need to establish to the world (and me) that I can actually pay for something on a monthly basis.

So, anyone out there that still uses AIM can feel free to contact me. Just please remind me who you are since I don't even remember the last time I used it (I'm guessing before I moved to Rochester, which was 2008). I'm also here (duh) and on Facebook.

I read your posts one and all, I really do. I don't get a chance to check in much because I don't have my own Internet connection, but I read when I can. Since the time periods are short, I almost never have time to post/reply to posts, but I am reading (and posting today because I'm at my mom's this weekend and using her Internet).

:)

I was bullied all through high school (possibly earlier, but I don't remember much from those days). I guess you could say I "got through it" because I kept going to school every day, though I never really got over it. I never got stuffed into a locker or anything, thought I did get stuffed into a volleyball cage once (the ball holder). Bullying may not be the right word, but I was made fun of a lot and did a lot of people's math homework to not get bothered.

You know what my 'best' friend's nickname was for me? Ugly. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

I still really don't have friends. Heck, if I actually started making a bunch of friends at this point of my life, I think I'd be too scared I was gonna screw it up.